2.27.2006

Passive aggressive work speak.

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that appropriate exchange of ideas and information can continue in a positive and more effective manner:
  1. TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
    INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing!
  2. TRY SAYING: She's an assertive and aggressive colleague.
    INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting b__ch.
  3. TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?!
  4. TRY SAYING: I'm certain that just isn't feasible.
    INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way!
  5. TRY SAYING: Really?
    INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
  6. TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
    INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__!
  7. TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem!
  8. TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
    INSTEAD OF: What the f___?!
  9. TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented?
    INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work!
  10. TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF: Why the h___ didn't you tell me sooner?!
  11. TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
    INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a___!
  12. TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD OF: Eat sh___ and die!
  13. TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
    INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__!
  14. TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary.
  15. TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
    INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__!
  16. TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD OF: This job s__cks!
  17. TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?!
  18. TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
    INSTEAD OF: He's a real pr_ck!
Thank You,
Human Resources

Thanks to D for passing this along. (DISCLAIMER: This is not a real HR letter.) While I don't really make a practice of swearing (in the workplace anyway... hee hee.) I do think I'll be utilizing some of the passive aggressive options... um... hmmm... and maybe some have been used on me already!
HA.
Let the paranoia begin.

1 comment:

t said...

Ahhh....maybe YOU should:

TRY SAYING:
You're a real neat individual

INSTEAD OF:
You f_ckin' rock!


I mean...its just a suggestion :)
nahhhhhhhhh